I'm so fucking centered right now
wanna go halves on a baby?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize