I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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