I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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