Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Randomize
