I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
