My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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