i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
