I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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