Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this will be a night to untag.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
