see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You pole danced in your parka.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
