It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
