you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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