i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
