I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
