I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
