hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
