can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
