Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
