So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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