My hand turned me down
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
