she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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