I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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