Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
