I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
