I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
