Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
