Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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