K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
