you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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