can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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