if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
