Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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