that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
