Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
