***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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