Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
