I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
