She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
