Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
