you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sext me about skeletons
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
