I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
