she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
