I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
not ubering you a puppy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
