the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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