girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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