fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She bit a glass in half.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
