I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
