Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
