apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
