one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
