The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
