Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
