I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sext me about skeletons
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
