i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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