I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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