whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
