Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
