we have pet lesbian snakes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
