Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
